Dad and I were listening to a C/D on strong families. Here are the attributes of a strong family according to this study by leaders in the field.
The number one attribute of a really strong family is:
A- Appreciation/ Affection #1
We can never sincerely say "Thank you" enough. It is such a small and simple thing that often it is overlooked assuming others "know" we are thankful. Some people think to themselves, " I never asked for a gift, or I don't want to have to give a gift in return, so if I don't say thank you, they'll get the point." People who take the time to say thank you are high quality people who have high self-esteem and high regard for other peoples feelings. A simple "thanks alot" or "thanks for thinking of me" will do. It doesn't have to be fancy. Strong families hold each other in high regard and express appreciation for small remembrances as well as large.
A tie for 1st place is also Affection. I love how our family says, " I love you" at the end of every phone conversation. Again, it is a small thing but so important to a strong family. I am trying to do better at giving hugs and kisses as well. A pat on the back or a touch on the arm is a small way to show affection as well. Or even a wink of the eye!
C- Commitment #2
Commitment is being supportive and involved in each others lives. Such as when Annie and Cody had little Gage blessed. It will be impossible for all of us to be at everyones blessings and baptisms, but a phone call asking about the event and expressing interest in the event and disappointment at not being able to be there is so nice. Commitment is taking the time to be connected to your siblings with blogs, phone calls, and visits. Using an excuse such as, "I am just not a communicator" as my sister has all these years just won't work. We are family and we must take the time to love and care for each other by simply returning or even taking phone calls. Don't let petty jealousies destroy your friendships. It is not worth it as I have found.
T-Time together #3
Strong families take the time and effort to be together. It will not always be easy. Dad and I will try to create opportunities for fun at least once a year, but this should not be the only time we try to get together. Siblings should try to get together whenever the opportunity presents itself. Please, when planning to visit a sibling, be courteous enough to give them a warning so they can welcome you with clean bedding and towels. It is disconcerting to have to rearrange schedules.
C-Creative problem solving. #4
Breaking the tension in a family creatively is the 4th quality of a strong family. Strong families do not like to be in conflict. They want to end it quickly and find a solution to the conflict. Humor is a big ice breaker for conflict. Dad is good at this. I need to work on it!
C-Communication #5
Finally, communication is the 5th element to a strong family. Whenever we get together a good rule to think of is this: "The purpose of the task is to strengthen the relationship". If we always go into a family reunion, family visit, or holiday with this in mind, we will never fail at keeping our family strong.
And finally, all really strong families have a belief in God.
If I could make up a family mission statement it would include that the Kelleys' have a strong desire to put God and Christ first in their lives. And that that belief drives them to care about all others they come in contact with including siblings and parents, grandparents and aunts and uncles.
What would you want in our family mission statement?
Friday, April 2, 2010
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4 comments:
I couldn't have put it better myself. Communication is probibly number 1 in my book. I'll think of anything to add and get back to you. Since our family is so big (and only getting bigger) we as the kids should really start thinking about planing our own little family vacations to visit with siblings as much as we can.
I think I would add to the mission statement the goal to welcome every new child or in-law as total members of the family. We only have Chilly and Laura left with the in-law part but I'm excited to see who they add to the family. What great goals all of them!
Yes I love all of that. Something I love about the Smart family (Ryan's mom side) is that they make a big deal of everything. Every baptism, blessing, scout award, birthday, sports acheivement, etc. Granted they all live in Utah in probably a 30 mile radius, but I know they make a lot of effort to celebrate each of these things in their family. So even though we all live far away, it would be nice to always remember these things with an email or call. I think family chain emails (like the birthday one) should be circulating constantly about whatever's going on in people's lives. We all need to notify each other of events too, instead of thinking no one will care. Including each other is what I would add to the family mission. I'll start it with an email...:)
What a perfect thing to remember! thanks for sharing this!
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